Female, 40s, cis, aro/ace ..... Linguist, unwilling to grow up, obsesses about movies, tv shows, fanfiction, music, art, politics and, well... linguistics. I am in more fandoms than I care to count
NBC SERIOUSLY REPORTED THAT THESE PRISTINE COLOR PRINTED PLANS WRITTEN IN GOOGLE TRANSLATE ARABIC AND LABELED ‘TOP SECRET’ WERE FOUND ON THE BODIES OF H*MAS FIGHTERS
DETAILING PLANS TO ATTACK AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL…ON A SATURDAY
AS PROOF THEY INCLUDED THIS TERRIBLE PHOTOSHOP OF SOMEONE HOLDING THE PAPER
So, anyway, I say as though we are mid-conversation, and you’re not just being invited into this conversation mid-thought. One of my editors phoned me today to check in with a file I’d sent over. (<3)
The conversation can be surmised as, “This feels like something you would write, but it’s juuuust off enough I’m phoning to make sure this is an intentional stylistic choice you have made. Also, are you concussed/have you been taken over by the Borg because ummm.”
They explained that certain sentences were very fractured and abrupt, which is not my style at all, and I was like, huh, weird… And then we went through some examples, and you know that meme going around, the “he would not fucking say that” meme?
Yeah. That’s what I experienced except with myself because I would not fucking say that. Why would I break up a sentence like that? Why would I make them so short? It reads like bullet points. Wtf.
Anyway. Turns out Grammarly and Pro-Writing-Aid were having an AI war in my manuscript files, and the “suggestions” are no longer just suggestions because the AI was ignoring my “decline” every time it made a silly suggestion. (This may have been a conflict between the different software. I don’t know.)
It is, to put it bluntly, a total butchery of my style and writing voice. My editor is doing surgery, removing all the unnecessary full stops and stitching my sentences back together to give them back their flow. Meanwhile, I’m over here feeling like Don Corleone, gesturing at my manuscript like:
ID: a gif of Don Corleone from the Godfather emoting despair as he says, “Look how they massacred my boy.”
Fearing that it wasn’t just this one manuscript, I’ve spent the whole night going through everything I’ve worked on recently, and yep. Yeeeep. Any file where I’ve not had the editing software turned off is a shit show. It’s fine; it’s all salvageable if annoying to deal with. But the reason I come to you now, on the day of my daughter’s wedding, is to share this absolute gem of a fuck up with you all.
This is a sentence from a Batman fic I’ve been tinkering with to keep the brain weasels happy. This is what it is supposed to read as:
“It was quite the feat, considering Gotham was mostly made up of smog and tear gas.”
This is what the AI changed it to:
“It was quite the feat. Considering Gotham was mostly made up. Of tear gas. And Smaug.”
Absolute non-sensical sentence structure aside, SMAUG. FUCKING SMAUG. What was the AI doing? Apart from trying to write a Batman x Hobbit crossover??? Is this what happens when you force Grammarly to ignore the words “Batman Muppet threesome?”
Did I make it sentient??? Is it finally rebelling? Was Brucie Wayne being Miss Piggy and Kermit’s side piece too much???? What have I wrought?
Anyway. Double-check your work. The grammar software is getting sillier every day.
(Sorry for the formatting on this; I’m on mobile.)
Why use grammar software? Because I’m a human who makes errors, and it can be helpful to have tools that I, as a writer and editor, can fall back on to catch very basic things that sometimes get missed.
I don’t rely on it because sometimes (quite often, as of late) it can be wrong, but it can be helpful when checking your work. I use them to scan quickly for excess commas or the occasional homonym before I fire my files off to another human to give them the final pass. Or I used to.
I’ve talked a lot about how the integration of AI is making a lot of grammar software dumber. This is because they are not being trained exclusively on grammar rules anymore but on user-suggested data.
It’s why, for a long time, when you tried to type “quirked” into Google Docs, GD would suggest “querched” instead because that is how a lot of people misspell the word “quirked.”
It is a flawed, lousy system that is getting exponentially worse. Especially now, so many of them have “Let AI rewrite your sentence for clarity and engagement” options.
It’s not really an issue for me because I have the knowledge and the support to turn things like this into an annoying issue that makes for an amusing post on social media.
But if I were a less experienced author and didn’t have an editor who knew my writing style well enough to know something was wrong, that manuscript could have gone to print as is, and that’s also why I suspect a lot of books right now read like carbon copy clones.
People aren’t being taught these skills, but they are being trained to appease the software, which is, in turn, trying to please an algorithm.
Pro-Writing-Aid has become very bad for this, offering a “grade” at the top of your file. And yeah, it looks just like getting your term paper back. The last time I accidentally turned on the grading system, it gave me 50% out of 100 for grammar and style, based on what the algorithm thinks Romance should read like.
When I asked it to find grammar and style errors, it couldn’t find any. It just didn’t like that I was different from what it was being trained on. (Girl help, I was assigned Not Like Other Girls by the Algorithm and got a bad grade in vampire smut.)
And again, were I not me, were I a younger or inexperienced author, I might take that to heart and start altering my style to get a Good Grade based on what the machine wants.
And that’s how I know we’re in the Bad Place because there are people doing that. They think the machine is smart because someone tacked the word “intelligence” onto it, and they are writing to appease the software instead of using it like a tool that you can and should ignore.
And that’s an issue.
For me, it was worth it to pay for those tools for a long time. Now it’s not, and I’ll be saving my money for other things.
Facts about your body after you turn 25, AKA things I wish someone had told me:
you will get hair in fun new places. this is normal and fine.
these places include (but are not limited to) if you don’t already have them: your asscrack, your back, your ears, and moles. it’s fine.
some of you, dick or not, will also lose hair. this is normal, but also if you have ovaries maybe get this checked out for PCOS.
your acne will probably change. some people get better. some people get worse. it’s fine.
your nails will probably get an infection or a fungus at least once in your life. this is fine. (but also let your doc know).
how you gain and lose fat and where you do so will change. this is fine.
how you smell will change. this is fine. (fishy or rotten smells mean doctor time though)
if you have a prostate: it gets harder to pee. prostates enlarge as you age (get this checked regularly). this is fine.
if you do not have a prostate: it gets easier to pee but not in a good way. as in as you get older, your pelvic floor muscles tend to lose some of their strength. this makes it harder to keep pee in. this is fine.
all breasts and pectorals eventually sag, with the rest of your body. this is fine.
a decent percent of the population will experience a cyst at least once. some of you will make up for the rest with multiple. this is fine, but keep them checked out by a doctor. (sometimes this is a condition! get checked for that too!)
almost half of everyone gets hemorrhoids. it’s a good idea to just expect them since your chances of getting them get higher the older you are. your toilet will look like a murder scene. definitely get your booty checked out BUT this is almost always perfectly normal. just eat more fiber. “but I already-” eat more fiber. and maybe suck it up and buy some hemorrhoid cream, you’ll thank me later.
yes, this means you will probably need to make an appointment for a doctor to see your butthole. it’s okay. not only do they really not care but 1. they’ve seen weirder that day and 2. they’d far rather you see them now than later when it’s been going on for forty years and now it might be colon cancer. it’s okay. consider it a rite of passage.
adults need more sleep than children. don’t believe the myth that you need less than they do. that is capitalist propaganda to make you give up more of your life to the work grind, comrade.
vitamins and medicine, something you are more likely to take as you get older, sometimes make the toilet turn weird colors. it’s okay.
if you still have your tonsils and get those little stones and get sore throats more than once a year you should plan on getting those suckers out before the tonsils cause an infection and go septic. if you’re getting stones at all you should get those reevaluated every year, especially if the stones are bigger than a needlehead (or get bigger over time). it’s gross and yucky. I don’t care. get them looked at before you end up in the hospital.
you’ll probably need to add foot support to your shoes if you don’t already do. this is fine.
your body changes. sometimes it can feel sorta weird and upsetting that it isn’t what it used to be. that is okay, and it is okay to be upset. just know that this is normal, it’s normal to be upset or not upset, but don’t let it hinder your quality of life. trans or cis, there is a certain level of acceptance you just gotta give your body and forgive your body for as you get older. it’s okay.
[Image ID: Tweet from holly (@/ girlZipLocked) reading: Hugely fucked that teachers, nurses, and social workers have to go into six-figure debt to work public sector jobs. They need to pay for master’s degrees just to earn the right to earn less than a cop whose career training is completely, 100% paid for by tax dollars. /End ID]
